Breaking point

What happens when we force things.

We can reach breaking point in a number of ways, whether that is through becoming overwhelmed to the state of anxiety or psychological collapse, exceeding capacity like a pool overflowing with water or trying to force something like a square peg in a round hole. This week I wish to only focus on forcing things until breaking point as I feel trying to cover them all will be beyond my capacity and leave me feeling overwhelmed (grins).

What does it mean to force things? Does it mean to really want something to happen? How about to accelerate change beyond the natural rate? Perhaps it means to do things in a pathological manner to achieve a desired outcome? If at first you don’t succeed, try, try and try again, maybe?

Force requires effort, and it’s usually implied that this beyond a reasonable or natural amount. Now, we haven’t got 10 volumes of philosophy to examine what do we mean be reasonable or natural, so in the interest of brevity let’s proceed. The fact that we’re forcing things implies that we have tried before and it hasn’t worked, however, we’re so invested in obtaining the “something” (whatever it may be), that we just must make it work. So, we try harder or we double down, triple down even, sometimes without realising that in doing so, we can get further from our goal, not closer, thus leading us to greater disappointment and frustration.

Just a bit more! metal clanging noises - Photo by Christian Buehner on Unsplash.

Now, I’m not the first person to espouse something along the lines of the harder you try, the worse it gets, or the more you try to achieve something the less likely you are to succeed. This sort of law of reversed effort is deeply rooted in eastern philosophy and relies on accepting the natural flow of the universe and being in harmony with it. Wu Wei, a central concept of Taoism, is essentially the art of not forcing.

It's usually becomes quite evident when we’re forcing things, we’re not in a state of flow. A great example of where we can see this is in relationships. It’s clearly obvious when a relationship is not in a harmonious and natural balance. Perhaps one partner is doing more for the other without the appreciation. Maybe Partner A is trying to get a positive response out of Partner B (without much luck it seems), and instead of asking how this might be achievable, listening and potentially changing their behaviour, they continue in their ways and/or attribute blame or fault to the other person for not accepting their efforts – a move which is likely to lessen the chance of getting a positive response from Partner B.

“It’s like throwing yourself into the fire to stop being drowned.”

Continuing on, this is where the importance of self-honesty comes into play. Dostoevsky did a great job examining the effects of not being honest with yourself in that the person who lies will then struggle to discern the truth both within themselves and outside of them, leading to loss of self-respect and respect for others. As a consequence of this dishonesty and disrespect, the person ceases to love – both themselves and others, and usually a descent into some form of vice such as alcohol.  

It is with patience, forgiveness and humility that we must utilise to counter forcing things. A patience to learn and know that what is within me is not readily understood by that outside of me. A forgiveness to the clumsy nature with which we can go about articulating our thoughts and feelings, as well as to forgive ourselves and others for the demons they might be struggling with. Lastly, a sense of humility, to realise that stubborn righteousness is not a hallmark of anything truly satisfying, or to put it in another way…

“You understand that – remarkably – you do sometimes get things wrong. With huge courage, you take your first faltering steps towards apologising (once in a while).” – Alain de Botton

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